Dating on the Margins: 3 Lessons from Ambiguity Central

Ambiguous Relationship Status

It happens to all of us, on one side or the other. We are in to someone of the opposite sex or are just their friend, and in whatever quest we are on, intentional or otherwise, we become old faithful. They come to a realization that we will always be there, and we will! We are so cool and down to earth, roll with the punches because we are just. so. awesome.

Then it is set it and forget it. Plans to hang out are never agreed upon or kept by the other party but are only had by chance or convenience. If we feel that we are in the running to be a love interest, it is not taken seriously but we also are not being let go. Ambiguity at its best, but it’s cool though because we are not clingy! This can work…until it doesn’t.

See, the thing is, toeing the line of ambiguity with the opposite sex is not for the sensitive at heart. Relationships of any sort requires some sort of nurturing. Yes, absence makes the heart grow fonder and leaves more to bond over at your next meeting, or more excitement within your attraction. But this can go the opposite way. Well, at least if you are down to earth, awesome, and not clingy. And as with anything else in life, there comes resulting lessons.

Here are three things I’ve learned from my trips to ambiguity central:

You get bored

The same things said and done get to be dated. You have no interest in discussing or doing the things you “used to do.” Interactions are reduced to minor formalities and you don’t miss anything else. This is not a bad thing, it’s just that if you do not feed something, it will die.

You’re not the fallback guy

They’re bored at work and want to chat? They need attention? Weather is breaking and they want a date or a cuddle buddy suddenly? It’s a romantic holiday and they are lonely? They finally want to date? YOU ARE NOT THAT GUY! Sorry, dude.

You grow

Your life comprises of new and different things, new faces, new habits and experiences. The past is the past and you can always look back fondly on the good times while moving on, rockstar. You can’t see what’s coming up in front of you if you’re looking behind you.

Now if you happen to be on the delivering end of this, there’s nothing wrong with that. After all, you can only treat people the way they allow you to. You also have a right to manage your time and relationships as you see fit. Just understand what you could be risking and assess appropriately. Now if you get the urge to invest in what you have not been investing in all along, do not be surprised if you end up with a lost option.

If you’re on the receiving end in this type of situation, and it is uncomfortable for you, think long and hard as to why you are in this place and if this is what you truly want for the time being. You can always share your needs and feelings with other person, but at this stage in the game, I’m sure they’ve already decided. So, simply put, don’t put all of your eggs in one basket and when the situation is no longer fun, quit.

And when the past comes calling, send it to voicemail.


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