I’m asking you nicely.
Please stop asking childless women when they’ll have children or why they do not have any.
Children are a joy, yes. BUT parenting is anything but glamorous. I’m a mom. My children are amazing. But it’s hard work. And despite being a parent, I also have my identity as being a woman, outside of being a mother. As parents, we are to prepare our children for the world. They will grow up and leave us eventually, so it is important to have your own identity, interests and plans. Knowing this, I fully understand how frustrating it probably is for childless women when people encourage them to have kids. It’s almost like saying that their identity as a single woman is invalid and children will validate them in some way.
Here are some reasons why you may want to rethink asking a childless woman about children.
- She’s single. She doesn’t have a spouse. Where is a baby supposed to come from? Don’t act like relationships are all just peaches and one can go out and find the right one instantly and become a family. Plenty of us, me included, can’t even get in to a decent relationship, let alone to make a baby.
- Do you plan on babysitting? Giving money? Probably not. So keep quiet. In case you haven’t noticed, kids are wild expensive and planning for this is ideal. And unless you are a part of that plan, have a seat.
- Are you her doctor? She could very much have specific health issues that interfere with her ability conceive. For all you know she could be struggling with this or even trying already. Hush.
- Kids are NOT for everybody! I’ve found that there’s this assumption that a woman who never has a child cannot possibly live a fulfilled life. That is pure and utter BS. I’m calling it! While children are wonderful, there are plenty of other things in life that are meaningful and substantial. Not having a child is most definitely not the end all or be all.
- Do you have kids? No? So go have your own. You do have kids? Then worry about your own. The one thing I’ve noticed is that a lot of women who do have kids encourage their friends to do the same. So that their friends can be in the same situation and more closely identify with them. If that is the reason why you are encouraging your friends to have kids, then you are a bad friend. I’ve told my friends that if they feel OK with the responsibility of potentially having to be the only person to care for this new life, regardless of anyone else, then do it. If they don’t, then don’t do it. Oh, and I don’t babysit. *shrug*
I get it, the desire to pass down your genetic material is strong in many of you. However, please understand that the worth of a woman is not based on her ability to bring children in to this world. It is based on her character and integrity. So, please, do not be rude and pry in to the personal lives of these women as it pertains to procreation.
Kindly remove your hands from their uterus’.