A friend of mine shared this video with me in efforts to receive my reaction on this subject. Now, although I do consider myself to be a feminist advocate, I am always open to mature dialogue from those who oppose the idea of feminism, well, because I am an adult. Not everyone has to share my views and I am always grateful to hear other perspectives and share ideas.
Please watch the video and then read my take on it. Go on until about 23:55.
Ok, the first line of this video IS fighting words, because it’s simply not true and if you did watch the video in its entirety, you may have recognized the contradiction there. (I’ll get to that later.)
Now, despite my immediate disagreement with the opening, I find some other parts of the video to be valid.
Here’s where I agree:
Welfare systems being used as a means to separate the Black family. A lot of family shelter systems do not permit a man to reside with his family. Public housing does not permit felons to reside on their properties. With what we know about the disproportionate amount of arrests of Black men, especially for drug related crimes, I see this as intentional. Not allowing fathers to be present in the household does not give the men the opportunity to raise their children within a familial unit.
Accepting drug money is not OK. Too many of our men and boys are being locked up for drug related incidents and I am vehemently against accepting that money. I want my spouse and my son home with me. I do not care how many jobs I need to work to help make ends meet. I refuse to take money that could land my loved one in prison.
Two parent households. I agree that children require two parents to raise them. (Please note that I am not specifying heterosexuality for said parents.) I also understand that there are issues that many of us encounter in life from having a missing parent in the household.
Independent status does not invalidate men. We women should avoid flaunting our independent status as a means to put down our men. If we feel that the dialogue needs to be taken to that point, then said man is not the man for us. We should be open to building and collaborating to establish solid foundations; not using what we have, or are capable of, as ammunition. We’re in this battle together.
Here’s where I disagree:
Contradictory statements in relation the first comment. “The cause of the breakdown of the black family is due to the lack of respect black women have for black men’s authority.” But she then goes on to make the assertion that Black women have not been under the control of Black men for 500 years. So what is this authority and where did it come from?
Cooking pork. Ali made a comment stating that Black women refused to stop cooking pork. Is she saying that men shouldn’t cook? Or is that the feminist in me? Are we a unit, or I am your subordinate? Of course I’m the type who would most definitely work to provide what my spouse desires, but if the goal is for the man to lead the household, then allow them to set the example. Cook the chicken, brother.
Homosexuality as unnatural. I won’t go in to that because that isn’t the main message of this video, but I disagree with these types of comments.
Independence = Not needing a man. The allusion that independent status automatically equates to women who don’t need men. Now, a man may not be needed for financial support, but there are other reasons why they are needed. It’s not like sperm isn’t required to produce children, right? It’s funny though, because it seems that it’s a problem when women are proud of being self-sufficient, but once we take the stance where we want the man to take care of everything and have the all of the resources to do so, we’re suddenly “gold-diggers.” Pick a lane.
Some questions for discussion:
If it can be agreed upon that Black children suffer as adults from a father being missing in the household, something that affects both boys and girls, why is the focus of this “broken” family structure on the women only? Is it because the woman is the one being considered responsible for keeping the man out of the house and not as the pillar of the community?
Ali mentions that 60% of Black women have no man. Does she mean they don’t have a spouse? Or is this including boyfriends too? And is that statistic attributed to the Black woman’s independence or to her simply not having a match based on her social status?
How can we solve this? Seems like Ali expects the women to fix these issues, bow down and respect authority.
But as for me, I feel that the solution to this problem is not for Black women to remove their crowns but for Black men to put theirs on.