So yeah… I’ve been on this single lifestyle for like 6 years now. It’s been clutch, I’m not going to lie. I didn’t have to seriously worry about anyone’s feelings, what they wanted in the future, what they needed from me, like time, and how much.
Selfish? So. Sue me.
Oh wait, you can’t. Because I don’t owe you anything.
Am I a jerk?
I mean, I could do everything I wanted for someone solely out of the kindness of my heart or genuine caring, and not out of obligation, which I hate. I have enough of that already.
But, a while back, I was coerced crash landed in to a “relationship.”
It was mid-spring and all I wanted was a good time. He agreed…at first. We were supposed to be roll dogs. I was supposed to have a summer running partner.
Of course that was all secondary to me in the scheme of the primary objective, which was a “good” time.
Now, before we move on, there were at least 3 flags. But I know me, and how I react to others in an unforgiving fashion. Always hanging it up for offenses others would consider minor. So I just filed them in the back of mind in efforts to try not be such a hard ass. Now you’ll see what happens when I don’t listen to myself. Ok, onward.
Flags or nah? You decide.
- We were emailing back and forth to feel each other out. I didn’t reply back quickly enough to one message, so he sent another message to sort of retract what he said in his previous message (which was to invite me over to his house, THAT DAY). I don’t know about you, but I HATE that. It screams insecurity. And in this case, maybe psychosis.
- When we went out for the first time, he told me he was good with casual, but also open to a relationship. Relationship? Holup! That was NOT previously discussed. That was exactly the opposite of what I asked for. He said, “I don’t know if that’s what you are looking for or not”…and was met with silence.
- He then continues on at some point to say that he was interested in merging with someone. In my mind, that read sharing and money. I think I started sweating at that point. GET YO HAND OUT MY POCKET!
Too much? Sorry.
I let it all slide. Why would it become my problem? I didn’t want to be his girlfriend. Plus, I was just THAT close to a good time.
Oh definitely don’t get me wrong, this wasn’t a complete shit show.
He was sweet, and fine… Showing me all kinds of emotionally intimate things that a grown man should. It was what I imagined intimacy should be like in my 30’s. I was on my Jill Scott.
He even had a kid. Bonus. I was impressed that he was only 30. Oh wait, 35. He lied about his age. Yup, flag.
But he made me feel comfortable, from the very start. Nothing awkward. He told me the color of my aura and what my strengths were and how the world affected me. I enjoyed him. The best I ever had, the best I ever had…
But he was batshit crazy.