Why I Hate Dating: Ulterior Motives

You may have read about how I hate dating. This is a multi-faceted opinion. I don’t trust people. This is a reoccurring theme throughout the very short life of my blog. I analyze almost everything and the current focus is on ulterior motives.

There are people who date and people who date with purpose. Dating with purpose makes sense just so long as the focus still remains on being happy and having a happy partner. Dating with purpose leads to issues when someone has an agenda and cares more about that than whom they are pursuing. I get this a lot.

A guy will try to do everything perfectly in attempts to get the ball rolling in the direction he so desires. He’s being so wonderful so early, and to me, that it’s suspicious. While doing this, he’s liable to accept everything you throw at him because in his mind there is a big picture. He wants a wife and a family by any means necessary, even if you are not ready. He has an agenda. He will keep on keeping on until he gets what he wants. If you push him to the limit you may uncover a glimpse of his true character underneath the facade. This is often NOT easy to discover.

You have to pay very close attention to the actions of others in order to decipher their intentions. If you are fortunate enough to realize that there is a hidden agenda and you remove yourself from the situation, you can confirm the presence of these ulterior motives by watching what the person does next. If the person wanted to hurry up and be in a relationship with you but you find that they are in a relationship shortly after no longer seeing you, chances are that they really just wanted a relationship. Who with didn’t really matter.  I’m leery of anyone who just wants to jump into anything. Before I just wasn’t mature enough to realize that sometimes people have a need to fulfill something within themselves through being in a relationship, and that is not the way things should be. We should always want someone more than we need them.

I don’t want to be needed. Maybe being needed gives security for some people but for me it’s a huge role to fill. I don’t want anybody crashing because I decide to no longer be with them. I want to complement someone not be their crutch. Yes, you can need someone in a sense that you see them as an integral role in your future. I get that. But needing someone just to be able to get through your day to day or just to have something to live for, is a problem. Seek help.

Don’t be duped. Relationships are a two way street. Not only do we have to really get to know a person, we also have t make sure they really know us. I’ve made a habit of not holding back much at all in terms of my character. I need every interested party to get the most accurate perception of me. Not that they would not have before, but it’s just that we often leave out things that aren’t relevant at the time. We wait to cross that bridge when we get to it. This definitely isn’t wrong, it just may cause friction in the future.

Here’s a minor example, I was flirting speaking with a male friend and we made a joke about taking a shower together. Immediately afterward I told him that showering together is nice when everything is new, but I actually hate it. I would like to clean myself in peace. Surprisingly enough, he agreed. So, no tension down the line when I decline any offers to soap up together. He already knows the deal and so do I.

The point is to be yourself. There are often times when we meet an amazing person who appears to be right for us; but they really aren’t right for us if they cannot accept us for who we are. This doesn’t automatically make them bad people. It can make us jerks though if we try to be who we are not, or accept what we otherwise won’t, just to get them. Don’t do a disservice to yourself or to others.


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