And That’s Why They’re Single

I have single friends. Super-de-duper awesome single friends. They’re fun, pretty, smart girls. Why are they single then? Well, first, I HATE that question. Their being single has little to do with what’s up with them and a lot to do with what’s up in the streets.

Anybody can get a man. Getting a man you actually want is the hard job. From my observations of the men and women in my life it seems as if their ideal mates actually aren’t so ideal for them in practice. The basic desires of my friends for a mate are simply that they are, successful/working, intelligent, attractive, drama free and childless. Very, very nice in theory. But this doesn’t seem to work out so well for my male or female acquaintances. They’re looking for individuals similar to themselves, cool. But despite the similarities, the two gender groups are looking for very different things.

The women who are approaching 30, are over being single. They typically want husbands and families. In a lot of their minds, their eggs aren’t getting any younger. (Don’t EVER tell them that though!) The men who are approaching or are a couple years in their 30’s, are grinding. They want a woman with the same qualities my friends want in a man but they’re not ready to settle down. Having a relationship seems to be a hindrance to their career goals or they just don’t see a logical reason to commit to one woman when they have a queue of them. However, they still want companionship. Many men choose to casually date women who are similar to just exactly what they are looking for but just will not offer any commitment. They come in and out of lives, dating here and there, talking the good word, and confusing very good women in the process. In essence, they’re playing games. Doing just enough to remain relevant by playing upon what they think that woman wants and telling her what she wants to hear. Eventually they choose the female who has been hanging on the longest.

Will my friends do that? Nope. My girls play default to nobody. This is why they are single. I can’t say that I blame them either. I would most likely turn down a spot I won by default off of principle, even if I wanted it. My only suggestion would be for them to date a little older but that’s what they’ve been doing. I’m noticing that with older men comes an increased likelihood of commitment but who can ignore the ambition and virile youth of the men coming up right alongside them? I can surely attest that we all want that. There’s something so sexy about seeing peers of the opposite sex excelling. They’re still learning life, trying new things, not fully ripened. So they hold on. They may not stalk the dude or interact with him much but when he comes back on the scene, he’s a threat to anyone who has attempted to secure something during his absence. It’s a frustrating cycle but it is also crystal clear. Do you want a potential relationship or an actual one?  Potential doesn’t hold your hand.

There are guys who are holding women down comfortably under their thumbs. The small things they do and say catapults them to the front of a woman’s mind every time. They are confident that they’ll have that top spot one day. Chances are they are correct. But gentleman, don’t hold fast to that because a smart woman who values herself will develop immunity to this game. You may not even notice it, but somewhere there is a man who is ready for that spot now. And one day, she’ll be taken.

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