Is Dating a Lost Art?

Dating is overrated. As a matter of fact, it totally sucks. The idea of subjecting my limited free time to a complete stranger is a frustrating deterrent in my lukewarm quest to meet someone who’ll survive special. As I grow older and more set in my ways, I am even more stubborn and disinterested. I suppose that I can classify dating as a necessary evil because, despite my personal feelings, it still needs to happen. I am noticing that a lot of men do not feel the same way.

When I meet a man who is “interested” in me and he tries to get me to come to his house in lieu of a formal date, he’s automatically demoted from the pile of “considerables” to the pile of “if I feel like being bothered.” What is even more mystifying about skipping over a date entirely, is that they actually get offended when I decline the offer to come to their house! In my mind, inviting a *new* man to my house or going to his, means that I’m trying to see if we have bedroom compatibility OR I want him to be my homeboy. But even in the case of the latter, that person is surely not a brand new person. He’s probably someone I’ve seen around and have spoken to on several occasions.

I butt heads with these guys all of the time, but I’m logical with it. Again, I hate dating. Upon choosing a stance on any issue, it’s only logical to actually know about that issue. I understand the current state of the economy and how people have bills, dependents or student loan debt. I do my part. I am not a dinner a whore, which means that as soon as I know I’m not feeling a guy, I stop accepting his offers to take me out. I usually come to this realization between dates 1-3. I always suggest more cost effective alternatives for dates if a new guy suggests something that I feel is too pricey. I don’t want a complete stranger dropping duckets on me for a first date and then I decide that I don’t like him.

People may judge me, but I’m comfortable enough in my own skin to not mind going to my favorite bar for a date or going to a sit-down-fast-food place like Applebees or BBQ’s. These are places where I feel comfortable because the menu is familiar and that’s one less stress to worry about on a first date. I recently imposed upon a male acquaintance after a social event and we ended up grabbing a bite together. Did I expect him to pay? No. Would I have allowed him to pay? No, not unless he insisted and shoved my money back in my hand. Now, if a guy is my homeboy, I feel comfortable enough to let him cover me because he’ll know me and what I’m about. If a man makes it past date 3, then yes, fancier dates are a go. At that point we’ll probably have a good chemistry going and it will be worthwhile.

The same men who don’t offer dates often express how they want a good woman and how good women are so hard to find. What makes no sense is that they say they want a lady but then treat ladies like the “hoes” they complain about. What then is there to differentiate the ladies from the “hoes?” If you are interested in a lady and you want to be taken seriously you need to take her out. Your house where you live with your mama is unacceptable. How does that go?

I know how it goes. There are trifling chicks out here who will accept a free meal from any dude. It doesn’t matter if she’s feeling the dude or not or if he’s FAHN or not. It’s free food and drinks. He’ll keep taking her out until he realizes that he’s never getting the cookies. Homegirl may even have scored free food or drinks for her friends, all on his dime. If a man sees that this is becoming a pattern or has had one really bad experience with this, he’s going to avoid taking out the next pretty chick he meets. I say pretty, because I’m confident that only pretty girls can successfully go dinner whoring in a manner that will kill a dude’s pocket. To me, the annoyance of dating and interacting with strangers isn’t worth a free dinner. I can buy my own dinner. Scratch that. I can COOK my own dinner. I believe that if men would reconcile the type of woman they say they want with the type of women they ask out, this could all be avoided.

Well fellas, I’m sorry that you’re bitter and although I understand your plight, it does not change the dynamic of the situation. If you want me to take you seriously, you need to take me out.



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