Is No Thirst at all a Bad Thing?


Some people need a lifetime supply of Gatorade. They go in, they go hard and bear empty cups in pursuit of the objects of their affection. I have to applaud them in their efforts because I’m sure it takes a considerable amount of energy and work to be a complete thirst bucket. I don’t have this energy left over in my reserves when I’m done doing me, so I can’t relate, but I’m beginning to believe that some level of thirst may be necessary.

I either engage in a mock level of thirst or I just get a pass because my thirstiness is so smooth. I’ll openly exhibit gross actions of it on Twitter once in a while if something uber-fahn crosses my timeline.(#HeyBoo) I never get called out for this. Maybe it’s because I’ll give a warning ahead of time? I’ve announced more than once that I don’t follow certain people on Twitter because I won’t know how to act. I do happen to believe that my level of thirst is negated though because it often ends just as abruptly as it starts. Once I’ve had my fill of flirtatious rapport with someone, I usually forget all about them. I religiously forget people. I’m not really working on this.

I seriously believe that one of the reasons I’m not too involved in this dating game is because of a lack of thirst. I’m noticing that a lot of men require some sort of reassurance before they make an official move. But what happened to your swag charisma dude? Since when have the men been more sensitive than the ladies? If another man tells me that he’s essentially worried that I’ll hurt him, I’m going to buy him some warm, fuzzy socks from Bath & Body Works. I’m not going to walk around with a t-shirt that says “Hey! I LIKE you!” for someone to get the point. All this extra just makes me tired. Sometimes men are too slow to catch on, and in my opinion, that’s their loss. I also don’t want to be considered after the fact. I’m not nudging anybody, and as far as I’m concerned, I can’t miss out on what I don’t know about.

I’m aware that I’m pretty black and white when it comes to a lot of issues and I really hate gray areas. I am adamantly opposed to high levels of thirst; unless it’s a mutual thirstiness of course. From my experience, people react negatively to these dry throated individuals when they have no intention of reciprocating. I know I do. I don’t want no parts of thirsty dudes. But, as the open minded individual I am, I’m going to make an attempt at being thirsty. First action on the agenda is tweeting #HeyBoo to 20 of my cutest supporters on Twitter. I’m going to step outside of my box and try to be more pleasant until it makes me dry heave.
Does anyone have a cup I can borrow?


And 10 Years Later…

Next month is my first high school reunion. I was lot of things in high school, but social wasn’t one of them. A couple years ago we were all excited for reunion because we thought we were going to do something extravagant, but who knows what happened because we are all to return to the 518 where we went to school for the festivity. I can’t say that I’m looking forward to it. I’ve gone to 518 for an overnight visit once in the last 7 years, so I’m sure you can imagine the level of enthusiasm I have toward sacrificing a weekend in the summer to attend. I can’t really say that there are people whom I’m looking forward to seeing because the people  I look forward to seeing, I see. I was only friends with a few people and they probably won’t even make it since they’re all spread out over the country.

I know that I sound like some sort of spoil sport, but think of this like a job you hated. You didn’t like what you were doing or your coworkers. One day you get offered a new position someplace awesome. Are you going to go back to visit the old job you hated? Probably not. This is how I feel about attending this reunion.

I never fit in upstate NY and I didn’t want to. When I moved up there all of the other kids were so much different than my NYC friends. My brother and I left the NYC Gifted & Talented program to attend an elementary school up there that didn’t offer the same educational opportunity. Thankfully this reversed once I started middle school and I’m actually grateful that I received the rest of my public school education there. But the high school? Going there was like pulling teeth. I was a quiet, dramatic teenager and was often the object of rumors, but I expected it. It was just something the women in my family had to deal with. Certain people were always so interested in what I was up to because I would never just tell my business to anyone outside of my immediate circle. By the time the second half of senior year rolled around I wasn’t even in attendance. I did my classwork at home and had a job. I didn’t go to prom and I don’t regret it either, especially not after that pasta primavera food poisoning fiasco.

My circle was a small one. I’m still best friends with my best friends from high school. It isn’t going to be the same without both of them in attendance. I have lightweight ADHD so trying to politely listen to the conversation of some strangers is a difficulty. I’m not looking forward to that awkward moment when someone remembers me but I don’t remember them. I really hope that doesn’t happen. Interesting enough, despite my reluctance to see old high school classmates, I actually look forward to seeing old middle school classmates. Middle school was a completely different animal than high school. There was more bonding and we were all going through awkward changes. Many of us went off into various cliques and groups related to our personal interests in high school and soon we barely spoke to one another anymore.

There were definitely some moments in high school but 10 years later it all just seems so faded. The best thing I took away from the whole experience were my friendships, my education and my interest in activism. I could have done without everything and everyone else. It may be evil, but satisfaction comes with seeing people who tried to make your life a living hell currently looking a hot mess. I think I’m going to go just for that and to tell everyone they look GREAT with my best straight face.

Quarter-Life Crisis

Spring has made its late but well anticipated arrival. It’s evident in the warmer temperatures, allergies, blossoming flowers, exposed body parts and… epiphanies?

Back in October or so, it appeared that people were out in droves looking for a wintertime “situation” to keep them warm on the brickest of nights, and brick nights there were! There were also blizzards, shut downs and days out of work for many of us. Cold, damp and stressed, who really wanted to be home alone? Visions of stocking up on food, drinks and cutting away danced in heads. Then when the first signs of spring come, folks part ways and seek out new bodies for the warm season. #Victorious

But, I had no such person. Of course this could be attributed to several factors. Yes, I made many jokes related to the onset of “Cuffin’ Season” but I wasn’t ever really serious about it or anyone. There were potential options. I consider them potential options because people had made themselves available and I didn’t bite. I just wasn’t pressed. It was like they came all at once. When it rains, it pours, and I didn’t trust any of it.

I never wanted to place myself in a situation where I was laid up with someone just for the sake being laid up. I’ve been in casual situations and they’ve worked–for at that time. This time around I wasn’t quite certain what I was looking for and instead of winging it, I left everyone alone. Yea, real mature like stuff.

I spent my nights warm (s/o to that project heat), being confused by elementary school homework assignments, going to the gym, entertaining friends at my house or chilling at my favorite bar. My cookies remained packaged up, tucked away in the cabinet behind the free fruit cake. I didn’t actually put them there, things just sort of worked out that way.

All of this alone time allowed a new form of clarity to set in. I began to see things in a way I’ve never saw them before or maybe I just lost my mind. I was alone, but not lonely. The absence of a romantic relationship of any sort, emotional or physical, brought me a peace that I couldn’t ever recall having before. My envelopment in the love and support from my family and friends gave more than I could ever ask for. The love I have for myself was healing. I treated me well.

I became spoiled. If I was happy being left to my own devices, why should I be open to mediocre offers of companionship? I’m a flirt of the highest order, and men are never completely absent from my life, but in the back of my mind I know the type of person I would seriously entertain. Of course there are times when I would love to go out on a date with someone but those feelings do not overpower my desire to be treated properly. I have an endless list of activities that I would like to do and I’m happy to take myself out. If I don’t enjoy myself, how can I expect anyone else to?
A change has set in and I can’t quite place my finger on just exactly what the catalyst was. I can only describe the feeling as uninspiring. I’m uninspired to open up my circle to new people or hold on to people who don’t hold me in the same regard as which I hold them. If I date, I’ll date. If I don’t, I don’t. Things in my life have taken a “me” focused shift. Things that used to worry me before, no longer do. Some people who used to matter before, now don’t. I feel like I’ve come to the tail end of my quarter life crisis and I am receiving a glimpse of the anticipated emotional maturity that comes with being in one’s 30’s.
I’m sure the changes were gradual as I know that I’ve spent much time pondering a variety of areas of my life. It’s just that the execution of the almost-final result seemed quite abrupt. It’s a noticeable change that happens the be the sum of a tiny series of changes. I feel as if I’m coming into the honing process of who I am to be and I’m embracing it.